BY ERNEST TUAPE
(Craft It’s new foreign correspondent in Kampala)
Scenario 1: You are allergic to alcohol like my friend Moses. You are a water and food person. Good food in an ambience of heavenly presence is what you tip your hat for.
Sit anywhere; indoor, outdoor, at the roof (and watch cars drive by along Wampewo Avenue).
There is breakfast for you too.
Scenario 2: You have a date plan stuck in your cranium with no ideas on how to make it happen. You want to have a luscious meal in a place that will forever be part of your story.
All your worries are sorted here.
#2. Not just a bar
Of course, there are dim lights in the night.
High seats at the counter and around the round tables, low tables with cozy chairs and legroom for a stretch.
Great bar and service men. Loud music, not deafening. You like your football, three large screens in there.
Want to have chicken? It’s allowed. Make your order. The delivery is in one quick swipe.
You won’t find stalkers sitting around, idling just for the sake of it.
Leave your wallet on the counter at your risk. No one does that, not even the super stoked douche.
#3. A simple party?
Your boyfriend is turning the big 3-0, starting the third level of his life. You want to show him he’s still the one in your heart.
And you’re looking for where you won’t be charged corkage for carrying in your cake, baked by your favorite baker. You want a private location with no uninvited guests barging in, getting lost and saying, “I’m sorry, wrong location.”
There is a high roof private restaurant for you, with your own wait staff. How about that?
It might cost a scrap off your overly grown toenail. It’ll be worth it.
Have you gone to place and looked around; staring in no particular direction, trying to find your way and no one helpful is in sight?
The place gives you a cold treatment, leaving you to dry out, strange eyes ogling at you like a lost goat.
You are left there, like an abandoned cookie – tiny black ants climbing on you, licking your skin, carrying crumbs of you to their holes of residence, eating part of you and storing your left-over for days of scarcity.
Anyway, Brisk won’t carry your bag but you will feel their love and attention.
#5. Worried about parking?
A friend told me the first thing he considers before heading to a new bar is parking space. It’s his gold standard.
If he can’t easily find parking space (even if the parking is at “Owner’s Risk”), however polished and sparkling the place is, it’ll take a million and one reasons to convince him to give it a try.
You won’t have to worry about your tyres being removed and finding your car sitting on it’s belly.
There’ll be guards keeping their eyes over your car from a close distance, although parking is at your risk.
Follow Tuape on Instagram (finally!): Ernest Tuape