Foreplay is overrated

BY BETT KINYATTI

Life’s best moments happen off of social media. Forget the dangling carrots they tease you with.

Big-budget box office movies are shit. ‘Black Panther’. ‘The Lion King’… should I go on?

The money in your pocket will never be enough.

Plastic is bad. Just bad. Bad for everyone, bad for everything. You can replace a plastic laundry basket and plastic waste-paper basket with locally hand-made stuff woven from natural materials. What can you replace a plastic smile with?

The chickens will ultimately come home to roost.

It will hurt at first, then it won’t hurt anymore. Not because it stopped hurting but because you learned how to live with it.

Fat and fabulous is a big lie. (Did you catch that pun?) Everyone wants to lose weight. Admit it. Everyone looks better with the extra weight off their saggy arms. Admit that, too.

Cancer is a death sentence.

Breath in deep through your nose, out through your mouth. Slowly: the cold fresh clean air comes in through your nose, it takes the shit out through your mouth.

Everything boils down to a feeling.

Houseplants can be killed because of being watered too much. They drown to death, hahha. Did you know that? You may as well have put a sack over its head.

Imagine you can also do it. Aki you can.

“A 2015 study found that those who have a healthy repertoire of curse words at their disposal are more likely to have a richer vocabulary than those who don’t.” Boom!

July 29th has to be one of the most boring calendar dates in the year.

The equation to nursing a hangover doesn’t include a toddler.

Are we really going to hell?

Last week I did a months’ worth of posts in four days. What does that tell you? It tells you that what’s getting in your way is you. Overcome yourself. It also tells you that foreplay is overrated.

There are a million business ideas you get off the ground with less than 50 gees. I wrote 50 of such ideas here.

They’re in your life for a season and a reason. Then they go. Let them go when the curtains on the season close – don’t hold on when there’s no reason to. (That’s such a boring statement. Hahha. I’ll let it remain because today is July 29th.)

2019 is the year I understand what an RSS Feed is. I’ll never forget this.

There’s power in being broke. Harness it.

Chicks also wank. It’s normal.

They told us to get energy-saving bulbs because they’re good for our pockets and the environment. Now we want filament bulbs because they’re good for the modern lighting of interior decor. What gives?

Let me fucking be.

It’s not that they lie, it’s that they don’t speak the truth. There’s a difference.

I remembered why I never liked Oprah. Because she couldn’t catch herself interrupting her guests when they’re speaking. Don’t be an Oprah.

Question: should you rock a weave because it makes you feel more confident? Or shouldn’t you because it doesn’t teach your daughter how to be comfortable and confident in her natural state?

Remember to pray every day. Then remember every day to pray. Now pray.